


Cheers darlin'

by LivingInABox



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam (Voltron) Lives, Adam cries a lot, Adam-Centric, Adam/Shiro (Voltron) Reunion, Alternate Universe -Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brogane, Galaxy Garrison, I gave Adam's entire squad names and codenames, M/M, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, Original Character Death(s), Reunions, Veronica (Voltron) is a good bro, keith-adam brogane, not s7 compliance, not s8 compliance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:55:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23154421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LivingInABox/pseuds/LivingInABox
Summary: Adam’s side of the story ever since the beginning.--Adam waited for Takashi all his life just so he could punch him in the face and left the docking bay wiping his face furiously.
Relationships: Adam & Keith (Voltron), Adam & Veronica (Voltron), Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Keith & Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 112





	Cheers darlin'

**Author's Note:**

> Finally finished, I took so long writing this that midway I legit forgot every canon thing so I just bs everything hahaha please forgive me for any inconsistency about anything. This is pretty much self-indulgent big time.
> 
> edit 5/20: edit tags bc I didn't know tag rambling was a no-no
> 
> Warning: implied of child abuse and mild substance abuse, #16 is sex scene, pls skip if it's not your cup of tea!

1.

Adam was used to pain— like the purple spots marking his ribs or the fingerprints dotting his upper arms—he was used to them. And he was very good at ignoring them until they numbed his body all the way to his fingertips and left him floating in and out of consciousness, going through routine without knowing anything. 

It wasn’t until his mother found bruises on his neck that she called the cops on the man she thought she knew. 

The way she held him in her chest, it anchored him to the present, so he let her rock them back and forth on the floor of their messed up living room. Her sobs of apologies got even worse when he told her, “It doesn’t hurt.”

She said it was okay now, he didn’t have to lie anymore because the asshole was gone for good, and she was so sorry she had been so blinded. 

“Adam, promise me, you have to tell me when you’re hurting, okay honey?” She stroked his hair. “I can only help if I know, baby. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize sooner.” 

“It’s okay, Mama, I promise.” Adam lifted his head up and wiped away the tear stains on her cheeks. 

He was used to his pain. But hers, they were new and raw, she didn’t know how to deal with them yet. His pain would hurt her more, but if a promise can help her feel better, he’ll promise. It didn't mean that he’ll keep it.

They moved away. He was admitted to the garrison not too long after. He took back her last name and hoped she’ll find some peace without him there. After all, his face reminded her of the man who shattered her entire world.

Adam promised himself he won’t let love hurt him like it did her.

Belatedly, he realized he didn’t keep that promise either, not when Takashi was radiant like the sun, bright and warm from afar. When they were close and intimate, his touch was hot fire that scorched Adam skin no matter how many layers of untold things separating them. Adam burnt like the desert beneath their feet.

\--

2.

Takashi was laugh-lines and teasing smirks. His hair was border-lined violation of the dress code, but they let him get away with it like most other things as well.

The girls liked the leather jacket and his strong arms. They dreamed that he’ll take them on his motorcycle and have his way with them under the starlit sky. The boys were jealous of his skills, his grades, his ease of being a man so comfortable in his own skin that he didn’t bat an eye while putting on eyeliner in the men’s locker room. Yet they admired him silently and preened under his praises.

Takashi was also strong and stoic until they watched a documentary by NatGeo and he bawled when the lioness sunk her teeth into the neck of a baby impala. When Adam ate the last of his expensive Korean ramen, Takashi was pouty and whiny and took Adam off base just to make him buy another pack.

He didn’t wear a leather jacket or sunglasses on his hair. He picked Adam’s dirty Muhammad Ali shirt off the ground and sniffed it before he put it on with the long pair of sweatpants they tossed on the couch the night before.

He made Adam put on the helmet despite of him driving like an old lady. And kissed Adam under the hot sun in the middle of town when Adam promised that he’ll cook udon for dinner.

They ate by the window and talked about dreams and hopes and exchanged “I love you” as if they knew what it meant.

Takashi was hard edges and soft eyes when Adam brought him home to his mom for the first time.

He was full of “Yes, ma’am,” “No, ma’am,” and coiled tight with nerves that only relaxed when they sat in the dark, on the porch, sharing a bottle of cheap Smirnoff while his mom was asleep.

Adam listened to the crickets and frogs croaking in this small town and he tried to think about a future with Takashi in it. But it felt wrong because Takashi, who was destined for all the greatness stored in this universe, couldn’t possibly settle with someone like Adam, who was satisfied with a mediocre life with a house, a dog, and maybe a kid. Adam buried himself in Takashi’s hold, preparing himself for the inevitable. But he didn’t tell Takashi that as Takashi pressed kisses onto his hair.

“Want to marry me?” Takashi asked and Adam suspected it was only because he almost died after his emergency chute malfunctioned earlier today.

Adam knew Takashi was making a mistake, because he knew Takashi, knew his dream, his ambition and his selfishness. But Adam was also selfish and he desperately hoped a ring could tie Takashi down beside him. So he said yes. He let himself believe that it was for the best until Takashi sat down and told him about his arm. The prospect wasn't good, but he wanted a life with Adam.

Adam cried because he was ashamed and sad, and he wished he could take Takashi’s pain onto himself to atone for a sin that his lover will never realize he’d committed. He was used to pain, and Takashi deserved so much more than a man who wished for him to stop flying. 

Takashi was stubborn, self-driven, and Adam could see he was working himself to the ground to prove to everyone that his disease didn’t change his qualifications.

He flew missions after missions and juggled work, treatment, and Keith, and he didn’t have time for Adam. He fell onto their couch in exhaustion every night and couldn’t wake up for dinner, no matter how many times Adam prompted him.

In the morning, he left with kisses when Adam was half asleep. They didn't eat lunch together anymore. Adam hurt. But he knew he couldn't ask more of Takashi in this trying time, so he adjusted. 

Adam ate breakfast by himself, had protein bars during lunch to finish work early. Then brought dinner for Takashi in the office. He massaged Takashi’s palm when the muscles there spasmed from overwork.

He kissed Takashi’s tear away, murmuring validations in his ear and pretending to be strong for both of them. He got Keith to take Takashi out racing once in a while and formed a delicate alliance with the younger boy over Star Trek, which they marathoned on the rare evening when Takashi was relaxed enough to start a cuddle pile on the couch. 

Keith kicked them away when he could to sit by himself, hogging all the popcorn inside his cocoon of a blanket.

But Takashi held Adam in his arms every time and looked at him with adoration in his eyes. When Matt came to join them, he stole the popcorn from Keith just to throw it at them because sometimes Takashi kissed Adam and never stopped.

It was sort of working for a little while until Kerberos. Then the fights were ongoing. Then they barely saw each other anymore. And Adam knew he had lost Takashi. Nothing he did will be enough. He will never be enough. He kept spiraling down.

“How important am I to you?” Adam didn’t mean to ask, because he knew the answer. He knew he’d hate it. 

Adam was used to pain, but this pain was different and it laced with fear, abandonment, and heartbreak. It made him so bitter and angry, and he wondered how his mom had survived it because he felt like drowning every second of the day. He wanted Takashi to run after him and expose his lie, but Takashi made his choice, and Adam regretted and regretted his. 

\--

3.

Adam caught Colleen’s eyes as they lowered empty caskets to the ground while military march played in the background. Colleen held onto a small little girl who was screaming and crying the amount of tears worth for all of them. Keith, who was strong-willed and independent, stood close to Adam and rigid under the hand Adam placed on his shoulder. 

Adam would fall to the ground if Keith wasn’t there. He was only twenty-four and only began to climb the ranks as a fighter pilot, but he mirrored a woman who was a widow with a kid. Colleen looked at him and she understood. 

Then abruptly he lost his mom to a stroke. By the time Adam returned to the garrison, Keith was gone. Iverson didn’t tell him anything. He couldn't do anything. Adam couldn’t even find the energy to cry. 

He came home every day to a room full of Takashi while his mom’s ashes sat on the shelf. Keith’s leftover belongings were in a box in the corner. Star Trek was still paused on his TV. And every night, Adam fell asleep with a bottle of bourbon by his bedside and promised himself tomorrow, he’ll start again. Tomorrow. 

\--

4.

Takashi shared many of Adam’s first. First roommate, first best friend, first attraction. He was Adam’s first impulsive confession, sweaty hand-holding and clumsy kiss. He was Adam’s first time on Takashi’s bed when they were young, hasty, and curious. Adam shotgunned his first cigarette with Takashi and drank his first beer while Takashi leant against him as they laughed stupidly over Doraemon.

They shared their first reprimand for fraternization when Iverson found them kissing on the roof. But they graduated with high honors and Iverson couldn’t complain when they were now instructors, garrison officers, his colleagues, and they performed their duties without a fault.

Takashi was his first boyfriend, first love, first person he was going to marry. He was the first to leave Adam, too. 

Iverson, after ignoring all of his questions for a year, pulled him aside and told him secrets he didn’t have clearance for. Takashi came back. They had him for a while, but Keith and three other cadets broke him out. Their status and location were unknown. But the garrison tracked a UFO until the edge of the solar system. There was suspicion of who was on board, and it knocked Adam’s breath from his chest.

Takashi was gone and still managed to tilt Adam’s world upside down. Adam hurt and hoped, and the hallway was spinning. 

“Thanks for letting me know,” he said with practiced nonchalant and ignored Iverson’s concern gaze. He made it back to the lounge before dialing for Veronica.

Veronica was Adam’s second. Second best friend, but well, never anything else.

She was an intelligent analyst armed with sarcastic comebacks and sassy attitude to direct at all the men who dared to approach her. And she was fierce, full of love for her family, for her missing brother. She found Adam in the memorial hall dark in the quiet night and sat beside him as he stared into nothing, weeping without tears and wondering if Takashi and Keith would ever come back. 

“I think Lance is strong, he’ll come back to me,” she said with her head on his shoulder and hand on his back, patting a comforting rhythm. “I just have to be strong and wait for him.” 

Adam didn’t know how much longer he could last. He was tired. 

Veronica took him out on her weekend therapeutic range trip and bet she was a better shot than Adam. She was right.

She forced him to eat more than protein bar and spent lunch time ranting about Admiral Sanda and all the stuck up big shots she had to work for, in a language he thought he had forgotten since his mom died. She swapped his liquor out for aloe juice, dunk his spiked coffee in the sink and commandeered his couch when the night was too cold and her quarter was empty of the warmth from her family.

They shared hot cocoa at three in the morning and memories of Lance putting on Veronica’s makeup and Keith triggering the fire alarm after attempting to make breakfast when he slept over. Veronica dragged Adam to Colleen’s for dinner once a month. He didn’t know how they knew each other, but between the three of them, they managed to keep going one day at a time. 

\--

5.

Adam went to bed, thinking of Takashi, awkward and polite while blasting J-rock in his headphones and didn’t realize Adam could hear every guitar drift from his desk across the room.

Takashi was full of courteous apologies and thank you and bless you and went to bed much after Adam and was gone when Adam woke up. Sometimes he dropped his cup in the morning, then hissed an apology with curses for waking Adam up. “Shit sorry,” sounded more real than “Sorry, if my screen is too bright, just let me know,” as if the bastard won’t be up until three, lighting their room with his computer anyway. Adam had been mildly impressed with how little Takashi had slept.

Adam went to bed, during sleepless nights, remembering Takashi’s snores. Sometimes he would smile to himself, hearing all the important battles in World War III Takashi used to recite in his dream. Those nights, it almost felt like Takashi was still there with him. 

Adam went to bed, seeing Takashi plopping a food tray next to him, conspiratorially whispering “Don’t look back, I said you were waiting for me so they’ll leave me alone.” Takashi, who had never interacted with him outside of their room, was sitting too close to the average-looking kid in class.

“Who?” Adam was confused, but not much could faze him back then. 

“Girls.” 

“I thought guys normally like the attention.” 

“I have a threshold for interacting with girls who might be interested in me, I’m gay.” 

“Why don’t you just tell them straight on? Pardon the pun.” Adam pretended to not see tense shoulder relaxed slightly as he ate on, listening and talking like this was a normal occurrence for the two of them. 

“I have subtly mentioned my past boyfriends, I showed them pictures.” Takashi dropped his yogurt onto Adam’s tray and took the apple that was there.

“And?” Without missing a beat, Adam tore the cap open and dug into it. Takashi was a fruit guy. That might have been the only thing that made sense in the whole encounter. 

“Some thought he was my best friend who was a boy, hence boyfriend, some truly believe if they try hard enough, I’ll magically like girls.” 

The mid-rant scoff brought a quirk to Adam’s lips. “Well what do you want me to do?” 

“I don’t know. Stare at my phone and laugh like I said something meaningfully. I don’t know honestly, this is why I don’t have any female friend, except for middle age professors with multiple kids--” 

Adam lifted an eyebrow. He didn’t think this was the same Takashi he was living with, but he propped his chin on his hand to stare at Takashi’s phone anyway, nibbled on his spoon of yogurt.

“No, that just means you’re an old man.” Takashi squinted his eyes at Adam, but Adam ignored his gaze and changed the topic. “Is that your ex?” 

“Yeah, we’re still on friendly terms though, and I’m not an old man, you old man.”

“He’s cute.” Adam didn’t laugh, but he made sure his smile carried his message. He liked girls. Guys were okay, too. Anyone really. And maybe an overly dramatic Takashi who didn’t keep his distance. Kind of dorky, and if Adam had to guess, not exactly the rule-abiding honor student everyone thought of him.

“Oh.” Takashi sounded breathless when he was surprised, then proceeded to invade even more of Adam’s personal space, sliding to another picture on his phone. “Okay, what do you think about this guy then?”

Adam fell asleep, seeing the grin Takashi was biting back and the excited twinkle in Takashi’s eyes.

\--

6.

Colleen called him one night, voice elated and said “He’s back, Sam is back.”

She was in central command with her husband, who was alive and was not cleared to move as he pleased by some fearful figureheads. The higher up was planning to hide everything. Takashi was alive and he led a group of fighters in space, and Keith was alive, Katie was alive, Matt was alive, Lance and cadet Hunk were alive, living with aliens, and they were fighting other aliens, there was an ongoing war, and Voltron was coming. What.

Adam sat with his hands behind his neck and breathed in and out, letting Colleen’s voice on speaker washed over him. 

After the broadcast, Sam Holt knocked on his office, and Adam scrambled for a salute. 

Legendary scientist, wonderful engineer, and the only man in the garrison who really had seen what was beyond their universe, their understanding. He was Takashi’s hero. In a sense, he might have had a hand in bringing Takashi away, but he gave Takashi more than Adam ever did. He gave Takashi support when he needed it the most. He was Adam’s hero for bringing back the truth. And he deserved every ounce of respect Adam can give. 

“At ease, Lieutenant.” Sam’s smile was as warm as Colleen’s, and he took Adam’s hand in his for a firm shake. “Colleen told me much about you and Veronica, and I can’t thank you enough for being there for her,” he said.

“She helped us just as much.” Adam wasn’t sure what else to say. What was appropriate to ask? How much can Sam tell him? “Sir, was there… was there a message for me from Taka- from Lieutenant Shirogane?” Adam didn’t think his voice was desperate, but Sam looked at him knowingly, eyes soft.

“Unfortunately, Shiro didn’t pass me anything to bring back to Earth.” 

Adam tried not to feel his lungs collapsed because he was dumb to hope. Why the hell would Takashi want to send anything back to earth when Adam told him he wasn’t going to be there. 

“And Keith?” 

Sam shook his head apologetically. 

And Adam was so jealous of Colleen who got her husband back, got her daughter and son back, who knew they were loving her from light years away. He was jealous of Veronica, whose wavering beliefs was once again strengthened by Lance’s address to his family. She got closure.

Takashi and Keith might be coming back, but it felt like Adam had lost them to the depth of the universe still. Adam didn’t know if he would ever get them back. But Takashi and Keith owed him nothing. He was ashamed for feeling something ugly like jealousy toward the two women who kept him up over the years. 

“But I can regale you about the Paladins’ adventure if you come join us tonight at dinner?” Sam placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Veronica will be there as well. She and Colleen are dying to know about the kids,” 

He was happy for them. He also wanted to go back to bed. The crinkles of Sam’s knowing eyes forced him to say yes.

\--

7.

Adam was twenty-seven and he was still waiting. He got promoted to Lieutenant Commander and led a squad of pilots that never question his order or the danger that came with it. 

There was Dante, who after debriefs slung an arm around Adam’s neck, disregarded all ranks to steer Adam back to his shared room with Seu-Gi for the team celebration. Mia baked cupcakes, and Lesaunda made a to-die-for lasagna. Brian got an endless supply of booze. Jenny knew how to mix every single cocktail out there.

AJ only went because they normally play drunk poker, and AJ didn’t drink, AJ made money. If Dee finished his homework, he’d come to watch them make fools of themselves and record footage. Troye never joined their gathering, but he came by in the morning with a hangover cure that tasted like rotten egg. Disgusting, but effective.

Adam was thirty and he was still waiting when Iverson’s voice came through the comm and he knew they wouldn't make it back. It was a suicide mission. 

He closed his eyes and thought about Takashi stepping down from a high tech alien spacecraft, eyes smiling, maybe with longer hair and wearing some unfamiliar garb, but still the same Takashi, kind and confident, and grown. He would catch Adam’s eyes and part through the crowd just to pick Adam up in his strong arms.

Adam thought about “I’m sorry,” “I love you,” “I waited for you,” and the Takashi in his mind said it was okay now. So Adam let go and hoped Takashi would too. It felt like absolution. 

His team watched him with grim faces. All of them knew— in wars, uncertainty killed faster than a bullet, so Adam squared his shoulders and walked unflinchingly to battle. He has always been one to lead with his action anyway. 

\--

8.

Screams. Sweat under his helmet. Or was it blood. Explosion. Static. Fire. Bright light. Silent. 

\--

9.

One time, Adam crashed on their carpet after forty-eight hours of no sleep, two major projects, flight simulations and exams. He woke up in his bed, dressed in comfortable sweatpants despite passing out in his uniform, which was hung neatly on the wall. There was sound murmuring near Takashi’s desk and as he sat up, disoriented. A coffee mug was pressed into his hand. It smelled like heaven.

“Afternoon, sleepyhead.” Adam was dazed, and Takashi was like a god-given angel under the sun rays as he sat beside Adam on the bed. “Don’t worry, you changed yourself, dead on your feet, but still amazingly functional. I barely helped.” Adam downed the entire content of the cup. It tasted exactly how he liked it and warmed the very pit of his stomach. “You hungry? We still got pizza.” His empty mug was swapped right away with another full one. 

Falling for Takashi was abrupt like a giant crushing wave coming up from behind and dunking Adam underwater, then it never stopped and Adam was soaked to the bone, choking with swelling affection and yearning. This was more than the simmering attraction budding between them, more than the bantering that Adam thought was fun, meaningless flirting. And he _wanted_.

“Takashi.” Adam let his sleep slurred his syllables. He held the warm mug between his hands and leaned his head against Takashi’s back. “I think I’m in love with you.” 

“You,” Takashi said, slightly out of breath like the first time they had really talked. “You probably only want me for my coffee.” 

Adam laughed and listened to racing heartbeats. His own or Takashi’s he wasn’t sure. They sounded the same anyway. “I—Adam, me too, ever since you shoved Jason against the locker for picking on Lee.” 

And Adam laughed harder as he tilted his head for an impulsive sloppy kiss that landed on the corner of Takashi’s mouth. That whole Jason fiasco happened over years ago. “Wow. I definitely want you for more than your coffee.”

\--

10.

Adam’s body was heavy and uncomfortably hot. Something was restricting his movement, but moving was painful. He heard voices, low and deep, they were incoherent. He wanted to open his eyes, but they were burning and he drifted back to darkness.

The second time he came to, glaring lights assaulted his eyes, and he blinked up at a garrison’s nurse, who was changing his fluid bag when she realized he had woken up. 

“Commander, how are you feeling?” She beamed.

Adam’s eyes wander from her face to the needle in his arm, the bandage that ran all the way to his fingers on the other arm, then orange and beige walls and he saw bright explosion, flying metal and heard Cobra’s final scream— “Oh my god Jenny—” he rasped out, trying to push himself up, but pain shot up from everywhere and Adam hissed, spots danced in his eyes. 

“Commander, please, your wound—” 

Jenny was dead. Wildcat, Titan—Adam choked—Troye and Dante, he didn’t have time to grief during a battle. He knew they were going to die! He knew they were going to die, he just didn’t expect to be alive— “Please, my men, did any of them make it—please!” Adam grabbed her with his good arm and he can’t see clearly without his glasses, but tears welled behind his lids and he bit his lips to keep them in. Soldiers died in the line of duty was an honor—

The nurse’s face fell, she said. “Sir, we only found you and Lieutenant Alejandro.” Adam fell back onto the bed, soldiers died in the line of duty was an honor, Commander that survived while his troop perished, however, was the greatest disgrace. AJ lived, Adam reminded himself. 

Adam hadn’t openly sobbed since his mom’s death, but his chest was blistering and his men were dead. Adam survived and it hurt everywhere, outside, inside, and nothing will ever make it go away. He wept, skin scrunched up and dried wound stretched, but he only felt hot tears on one cheek.

They found him after the emergency chute’s comm pinged central command. AJ wasn’t far from his drop, but the time delay in the rescue put him in a worse state than Adam.

Adam didn’t remember activating it, he didn’t remember landing and he wished he didn’t because his entire team was dead, and AJ was hooked to a machine that helped pump his heart. They don’t know if he’ll make it, and Adam prayed to a god he no longer believed in, but AJ did. So he prayed and recited all the prayers that his mom taught him.

AJ must live or Adam didn’t think he could otherwise.

\--

11.

Four years was more than enough time for everything to scar over.

Now Adam looked in the mirror, with his one working eye, and saw white skin jagged from his collarbone down to his thigh. His arm wasn’t too different, and if sometimes his wrist ached and his hand shook after shooting in the range, then no one had to know about it.

Four years and AJ was still alive, but not awake. And Takashi stepped down from the garrison transporter, helping an elf-like alien, smiling as he spoke to Iverson, and didn’t see Adam. Maybe he didn’t even look for Adam.

There was a weight that lifted up from his back when Colleen held her daughter tight and Veronica smiled widely in the midst of her family reunion. But he didn’t know how to feel about everything else. The surrounding sounds slurred and blended together as Adam kept staring at Takashi’s white hair, the black armor, and his easy smile.

Adam was floating in some nonexistent space, drifting away from the dock bay until a mop of black hair came into focus and someone slammed into him, jarring him back to reality. His arms automatically wrapped around the warm body. 

Keith was not much of a hugger, but this time, he held Adam tight. “Hey Adam.”

He was tall, his back was wide and strong in Adam’s hold. God, he didn’t know how to feel about Takashi, but Keith—lanky and small and stood only up to Adam’s shoulders last time—was his kid brother, no matter blood. Adam let Keith hold him up like the time they buried Takashi’s empty coffin and didn't feel as if he was plummeting to the earth. 

“I took my eyes off of you for a second, and you went up to space to fight alien, unbelievable,” Adam choked up with a laugh, feeling tears swelling in his eyes. Thank god. Thank god. 

“I’m so glad to see you,” Keith said, drawing away to sweep a trained subtle look at Adam’s scars, like he was checking him for other injury beneath the uniform. Even if he himself donned a massive scar on his face. 

Then he moved away and let Adam deal with the raging sandstorm slowly building inside his chest as Takashi approached one step at a time. His eyes turned grave and fierce and below them sat a long, painful scar. His arm was gone. 

Takashi, too, was a storm. It was inevitable that they clashed mouth on mouth, falling together under the heat of the desert, desperate for the first gulp of water that was their long lost lover. 

Adam wasn't sure who reached out first, but Takashi had his arm—god, his only arm—behind Adam’s neck as Adam clung onto hard armor like it was his last lifeline (maybe it was). He can’t remember their last kiss, but kissing Takashi hadn’t changed. Takashi’s kiss was dizzying, hot and feverish, and full of determination to last until their lungs burned for air. Adam would let them burn if he could have this forever. 

But forever didn’t exist and when they separated to breathe, Adam realized there were too many eyes on them, witnessing the guilt and misery and tears that must have been displayed fully on his face.

The facade of a man who had moved on was stripped away under Takashi’s gaze and Adam felt so exposed and weak and not in control. His skin was hot and clammy and uncomfortable, and suddenly Takashi’s hold was confining and asphyxiating—and it reminded Adam of a time when all the words they exchanged were in bouts of anger and between slamming doors.

It reminded him of all the hurts when Takashi abandoned him and then went missing, leaving Adam to mourn over a shiny picture on the memorial wall and reports on the Kerberos pilot error. 

Adam waited for Takashi all his life just so he could punch him in the face and left the docking bay wiping his face furiously. 

As he walked away, he heard Keith telling Takashi, “Shiro, go after him!” 

He didn’t know if anyone followed him or not, but by the time he ended up at AJ’s bedside, he was surrounded with silence and his turmoil thoughts. 

\--

12.

“Oh my god, Adam.” Takashi busted into the bathroom with glee. “You can’t believe what happened today!”

Adam, soaped up from his hair down to his toe, threw a shampoo bottle at him with a growl. “Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean you can barge in whenever, Takashi.” But there must have been something in his voice that didn’t deter Takashi because his lover just stripped and shoved the curtain aside to join him.

“So a kid stole my bike today,” he said, eyes gleaming like he was sculpting a plan to cause trouble— “I’m going to adopt him! He’s great!” Takashi said, massaging Adam’s scalp. 

“Wait what—” 

“His name is Keith and oh man, he is very talented.” Takashi smiled widely, grabbing hold of both of Adam’s cheeks with his soapy hands. “There might be some attitude problem, but nothing we can’t work on.”

“He stole your bike and you want to adopt him?!” Adam also grabbed Takashi’s cheeks, but it was more like squishing them together to shake him around. 

“Yeah! I think he just needs better care, the orphanage lady didn’t seem to be doing such a good job and he doesn’t get along with the kids, and at this rate, his talent will be wasted at some kitchen’s sink.”

“Takashi, this is a big deal. How the hell are you going to raise a kid along with everything?” 

At that mention, Takashi’s cheeriness drooped to a small frown as if he had made the decision forgetting about his own predicament with career ending illness. Which he didn’t, but in the rush of joy that he could make changes to another human’s world, he probably had decided that it didn’t matter after all. 

Adam felt a tinge of guilt and kissed his frown. “Let’s get him enrolled in the garrison first,” he said in between. “Get to know him more, and if he would like to be with us, _then_ we’ll adopt him.”

“We?” Takashi pulled away, surprised. 

Adam smacked the back of his head for the stupid question. “Yes, we, of course. Someone got to feed the kid something more than instant ramen, fried eggs and coffee.”

Takashi’s goofy smile returned as he surged in for an enthusiastic kiss, turning it into a heated make out session under the warm spray of the shower. Hands sliding down from Adam’s nape to the curve of his back, and lower.

When they were done, breathless, but not quite sated, Adam said. “You know, we can’t have sex whenever if we have a kid.” 

“Baby, that’s what time management is for.” 

\--

13.

Keith Kogane was like a stray cat that was kicked too many times, and now hissed at everything that was not Takashi in a five-foot radius. He was wary of Adam the first moment he stepped into the apartment for a visit. He had a permanent glare on his face and stared at Adam like he was an evil stepmother. 

Adam would have taken offense if Keith didn’t respond the same way to Matt and every other cadet who dropped by during Takashi’s office hours.

It was sort of funny, really. The way his eyes lit up when he took a bite of Adam’s homemade food, then he had forced himself to fall back into his cool, angry boy expression when Takashi proudly revealed who the chef was. The boy tried hard to be unapproachable, but Adam had honestly seen tail wagging when Takashi pet his hair, praising him for his map reading skills. 

He had no problem with the boy, not when Takashi brightened up considerably. It wasn’t until Keith constantly fighting with his classmates and receiving disapproval from all of his instructors that Adam really understood what Takashi meant by an attitude problem. The kid wasn’t cut out for the hierarchy and order of the garrison.

Both of them weren’t his instructors, and only Takashi got a formal reprimand for the behavior of his charge. Things were piling up at work, and Adam could see the tiredness in Takashi’s back. But he didn’t know what to do, not until he came across Keith shoving a kid against the wall, fist raising as if about to smash the kid’s nose, and he lunged, pulling Keith’s collar back. 

“What the hell is going on here?” Adam said, voice laced with the fury of a garrison teacher. 

“H-he attacked me out of nowhere, sir!” The boy spoke, sneering haughtily at Keith. 

“You’re lucky I didn’t bash your head in until you’re fucking dead!” Keith growled and tried to shake out of Adam’s tight grip. “Next time you even speak of Shiro’s name, don’t expect anyone to come save you!” 

“Keith!” Adam scolded. He received a look full of betrayal as Keith yanked away and stormed off.

Adam let out a long exhale. 

“You’re going to punish him, right?” The boy beside asked almost eagerly. 

“You will address me as Sir.” Adam narrowed his eyes, knowing Keith was not completely at fault by the malice in the boy’s voice. “If you’re going to insist on telling me how to do my job, then you must know to march yourself to detention with Mr. Harris at 1900 today. I heard he needed help in the mess hall.”

Indignant at his sentence, the boy opened his mouth to protest, but Adam cut him off. 

“Did you hear me, cadet?”

“...Sir, yes sir.” 

Adam made sure to remember his face lest he cause more trouble in the future. Then he set off in search for Keith, which wasn’t hard because Keith would always go to Takashi’s office. He was even prepared to confront Takashi if his fiancé decided to shield the boy again. 

But Keith was alone and seething. His body was vibrating with unshed energy and it burst when he saw Adam. “You took his side!” he accused hotly.

“I’m an instructor, there is no side,” Adam said, feeling his own anger rising, but he pressed it down to a simmer. “The way you spoke was inappropriate.” He had to tread lightly when they both carried a temper. 

“Inappropriate?!” Keith grabbed Adam’s collar with his white knuckles. 

“Calm down, kid.” Adam gritted his teeth, pushing the hands away, but Keith had released just to shove him backward.

“Don’t call me ‘kid’ I’m not your fucking kid, don’t tell me to calm down, do you know what he said about Shiro?! Do you?!”

“No, I don’t, but I do know what everyone’s been saying about you!” Adam hissed with gritted teeth, but the words were just as scathing as if he had screamed on the top of his lungs. “Takashi had enough on his plate already and you are not helping!” 

That took Keith back a little and he looked lost, and so young with eyes beginning to moisten with tears. And Adam knew he had said the wrong thing. God. Hundreds of kids he could discipline just fine, and he fucked it up with the one that mattered the most. 

When Keith spoke again, his voice broke. “Fine! Who the fuck told him to take me in?! I didn’t even want him to—after all, to all of you, I’m just some charity case you and your local hero pick up. Well guess what, I’m a huge fucking disappointment and I’m never going to change, what did you expect?!”

All the fight left him and Adam felt the severity of his failure with every word. If this was how Keith felt after all this time, what else had Adam missed? With other kids? With Takashi? In his ignorance, who else had he hurt?

“Fuck.” Adam pinched the bridge of his nose. “Keith, I’m sorry,” Adam said, suddenly so drained. He needed Takashi. 

“No! Just fucking leave!” Keith cried, tears finally falling. His mouth shook as he tried to hold it in. But what child can hold in years of being shunned by his peers and adults that didn't understand him. Adam, who was supposed to, didn't even try to understand him. Adam hurt him, and it ached like the faded bruises on his skin.

Adam might have needed Takashi, but Keith needed him at this moment. So dropping the ungraded paper, Adam gathered Keith inside his arms, like the way his mom used to do. “I’m sorry, I am wrong.” The boy fought for a moment before slumping in Adam’s hug, hitting him weakly as Adam lowered them to the floor, petting his hair and letting him cry ugly into his chest. 

When Keith had finished, he hiccupped into Adam’s uniform with a resigned, tired voice. “Just leave, like everybody else,” he said. 

“We’re not going to leave you. Not Takashi, not me.” Adam held him tighter and patted a nice rhythm on Keith’s back. “You’re not a disappointment nor a charity case. Takashi cares for you. He sees a future in front of you. And I believe in Takashi’s judgement, but I see it, too. You’re smarter than them, a better pilot, that's why they picked at you.

“The instructors here don't see that, and you're new, with a temper, so it was easy for them to put the blame on you. The thing with Takashi... the brass has always looked for excuses to bring Takashi down. It got to me, I’m very sorry for saying that, I’m sorry for making you think I don't want you. Takashi brought you here, but you're my kid, just as much as his. Family doesn't have to be blood, I’m sorry I didn't listen to you before. I will try to be better.”

Keith was quiet even after what seemed like the most words Adam had ever said to him. Then he pulled away, eyes puffy and red and offered in a meek voice.

“I don’t mean to cause trouble.” 

“I know.” 

“He—he said Shiro must have slept his way through the ranks,” Keith said, brows furrowed angrily and his fist clenched like he wanted to punch something again. “Because there was no way some gay Jap could become a junior officer—”

His confession knocked the breath out of Adam, and Adam felt the surge of anger from before rose up again. Adam would have punched anyone for that, instructor or not. 

“And I just lost it—I’m so angry.” Keith looked up at Adam, the creases between his eyebrows didn’t abate. “I’m so angry I don't know what to do, Adam.” 

“You’re a good kid, Keith.” Adam unfurled Keith’s fingers, one at a time, voice gave no hint of the storm in his heart, in which swirled a newfound fondness for the boy and untamed anger for bullies. “But Takashi can fight his own battle, he’s been dealing with crap like that since we were cadets. He’s strong, and most of the old recruits know his skills, don't worry. Next time, just ignore bastards like that.”

Keith took in a deep breath that when released also loosened the tenseness of his shoulders. 

“How about you?”

“I just punch people.” Adam allowed a conspiratorial smile, thinking of Jason and Bruce and all the bullies he used to beat up and got away with it. “But unlike you, I don’t get caught.” That got a small curve to appear on Keith’s lips.

Some weekend later, Adam took Keith and Takashi to his old gym. He wrapped tape around Keith’s hands before putting on them a pair of boxing gloves. His gloves. Then Adam took his position and taught Keith how to punch, how to control his anger, how to let it unleash when it was only a sandbag under his fists. Keith listened intently and fixed his stance under Adam’s constant comment. 

When Takashi climbed into the ring, Adam sat back and watched him, entranced by the soft and pleased expression on his fiancé’s face. Takashi, thumping the pads together, goaded the boy to do a jab before swiping at his head. He laughed beautifully, exposing the curves of his neck when Keith squawked at the surprise attack. 

Adam thought that it’ll be okay. They’ll be okay.

\--

14.

Veronica assigned herself to push Adam’s wheelchair when they went to inform the families of his team, the one who lived through the attack anyway. Adam had donned his full uniform, badges and medals, caps and gloves, and he didn’t cover the scar on his eye. AJ’s parents survived the attack, Adam wasn’t sure if they’ll survive the news. 

The smoke from his cigarette looked the same as those after the invasion. From burning buildings and crashing fighter jets. 

Every time he closed his eyes, he could still see the hopeful expression on the face of AJ’s mom crumbling as she fell into her husband’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably. He was just a boy, and Adam had sent him out to die, she said. 

He could still hear Dee’s voice through the private comm, saying ‘I’m scared’ and the only comfort Adam gave him was ‘We all are.’ 

Then there were footsteps, and Adam opened his eyes to see the guilt, the self-loathing, the apologies Takashi wove in the scrunch of his brows and the ugly downward curve of his lips. Adam knew Takashi was blaming himself. Blamed everything that was and wasn’t his fault.

“I heard about your team,” Takashi said quietly, sitting down beside Adam to gaze into the bright window of the ICU where AJ was still lying in. There was no beeping of the machine, only the rise and fall of the green cardiogram to signal that the boy’s heart was still beating. When Adam didn’t seem to say anything, Takashi continued. “If anything happens to those kids, I probably wouldn’t be too far off from you.”

“One of them almost died—Lance.” 

Adam heaved in another lungful of smoke. Veronica’s kid brother almost died. 

“I’m still not sure what happened as I wasn’t there, physically that is, and he can be tight lipped when he wanted to be—but that boy, he came really close, and was revived by Allura by some sort of luck...”

Takashi closed his eyes like he was reliving something far away. Adam didn’t think he could manage both of their messes right now, so he nudged Takashi’s knee with his own and lifted up his other hand to offer his unfinished cigarette. 

“Jesus, haven’t had these in years.” Takashi took it from him anyway and brought it to his lips. “I’m surprised they even let you smoke in here.”

“Too many fire alarms, and no one had time to reprimand or court martial an MFE pilot during wartime. Veronica just had the damn thing remove in this room.” 

Takashi hummed in acknowledgement. The air between them stilled, but not uncomfortable. Takashi being next to him felt just like ten years ago, when everything hadn't come crashing down yet. It was so easy for Adam to lean against Takashi’s shoulder, head tucked in the crook of his neck. 

“Lance sounds like he has a self-sacrificing streak, I have—I had one of those.” At the pause, Takashi slipped his hand into Adam’s and gripped tight. The gesture, which was returned the same fold by Adam, anchoring himself to the present before he went diving into his past. 

“Seu-gi was a nightmare. He got a sick father and was used to cater to other people’s needs before his own, we had to teach him how to say ‘no,’” Adam recalled, tasting phantom alcohol on his tongue as if he was still sitting on Dante’s couch and watching them bickered over who gets the last cupcake. Seu-gi took it and Adam has never felt more accomplished.

“They,” Adam started and stopped as his voice broke unwillingly. “Uh, they were good people.” He faked a cough to clear the lump in his throat. “Dante got a kid, probably 8 years old now. He showed us pictures all the time—” 

Takashi made a wounded noise in his throat, probably sharing the same ache in Adam’s chest at the unfairness of the world. All the children that have been affected, AJ and Dee, Keith and his crew, children that had been lost and had to fight a war that was much larger than them. 

Adam found his voice for the stories he had been holding in his chest for too long. This, this Adam allowed himself to share with his ex-fiancé, or whatever they were now. Because they were both leaders, they both understood the anxiety, the responsibility. The guilt.

Troye was winning cancer, he and Lesaunda were going to leave the garrison soon. Lesaunda had a civilian wife who had been waiting for far too long. Mia and Brian were finally going to get married at the end of that year. Much to everyone’s annoyance, Mia won the betting pool, but the entire thing was fixed anyway as she did the proposing. Jenny’s only brother died from a crash, and flying gave her bad memories, so she was two missions away from being transferred to R&D. 

But then Dee’s parents were missing among the camp survivors. Seu-gi’s father didn’t make it; the hospital he was at was burnt down to the ground. Dante’s kid didn’t understand why her dad wasn’t coming back, his ex-wife did and had no qualms about slamming the door in Adam’s face to shush her little one. Lesaunda’s wife only nodded at Adam with a blank face, color drained from it. She had a cast on her leg, and had to lean at the doorway, frozen. She only shut the door when Adam prompted her to.

“The worst thing was—the worst thing was that I lived.” 

Adam hadn’t told anyone that, not even Veronica. He didn’t realize he had said it out loud to Takashi. The admittance made him tense, ready for Takashi to pull away, to treat him like glass and throw him at some shrink because he was broken. 

“I’m sorry,” Takashi said, turning to press a kiss onto Adam’s sweaty hair. “I’m sorry for your team, but god, Adam, I’m so glad you’re alive.” His hand still tight around Adam’s and his voice came out like a sob. No longer nonchalant and full of composure like he was in front of other. 

“All I had ever wanted was for you to come back.” Adam closed his eyes. “I didn’t realize I had to lose my people for that to happen.” Then he was crying, too, as Takashi moved to kneel in front of him and buried his face into Adam’s chest, his single arm wrapped around Adam’s waist. The cracks Adam had patched up with sheer will over the years came apart and everything overflowed. 

Takashi, who survived space and alien, came back smelling like smoke, sweat and cheap soap, like he did years ago. Takashi, who was supposed to be strong, hunched his broad shoulders and let them shake within Adam’s tight grasp like he was begging for forgiveness. As Adam felt tears wetting his shirt, he had never been more aware of the fact that Takashi was so warm and alive and here.

Adam didn’t want to live. But he had wanted to hold Takashi. 

“I’m sorry, I missed you, I love you, I think about you every day,” Takashi whispered and Adam answered “Me too.” Their voices continued like a mantra through the night. 

\--

15.

Adam woke up to muffled music and a smell of bacon that permeated all the way to his bedroom. He had thought that it must have been Veronica again, making sure that he won’t skip breakfast, but then his eyes fell onto the garrison uniform that distinctively missing its right sleeve and everything rushed back to him.

Takashi was back, but the spot next to him wasn't remotely warm, and it was too early to even discern about why his heart twinged at that fact.

Barefooted, he made his way out and marveled at the cleanliness of his apartment. Last time he’d been here, clothes were strewn on almost every surface, coffee cups and empty liquor bottles were plaguing the table. But now his reports were stacked neatly under the TV remote. Beside them was a standard issue garrison tablet that wasn't his and an empty mug of coffee with a green alien print that he hadn't used since Takashi left.

The moist soil in his pot plant also suggested someone had even bothered to water them. And that someone was singing along to old Frank Sinatra, fiddling with the stove.

Adam was hit with a strange sense of nostalgia when Takashi turned around and sported an exhausted smile, “Morning, I promise I didn't burn anything.” There was a large bruise blooming around his left eye, where Adam’s fist must have connected the day before. His other eye was pink and puffy, must have been from crying hours the night before.

Takashi wore a white tank top and sweatpants that hung low on his hip. The pants did nothing to conceal a long, jagged scar running across Takashi’s lower back when he reached up to grab a mug for Adam. Adam ached for him and he closed their distance with one purposeful stride, enclosing his arms around Takashi’s torso.

Takashi went through a lot even before Kerberos, Adam knew that. And according to Sam, he had been forced to fight for Matt’s and his own life during their imprisonment. Only got out to fight again. Now he had returned home to continue fighting, and all Adam had done was making things harder, pushing old resentment and anger onto him. And for what? It won’t help either of them feel any less than shit. 

Adam hid his face into the crook of Takashi’s neck, hands gripping the tank top tightly.

“I’m sorry,” seemed overused between them, but Adam said it again. Adam had waited for Takashi all of his life, and he didn’t want to waste any more time when there was an ongoing war, and they were both on the front line. 

He breathed deeply and slowly, focusing on the surprised stiffness of Takashi’s body before it relaxed into Adam’s. Maybe Takashi understood maybe he didn’t, but ‘I’m sorry’ was all they can afford right now. It would have to be enough.

The tune moved from Sinatra to something jazzy with a beat that Adam recognized to be Bobby Caldwell, old and nice and it reminded Adam of a time when their biggest worry was exam. Perhaps Adam wasn’t the only one feeling sentimental because Takashi rotated around to stare at Adam under thick, white lashes, lips parted prettily. 

“Do you remember this song?” he asked before pressing their foreheads together. His body began to sway along with the rhythm. 

“Yeah,” Adam exhaled and let himself be carried away, humming as they twirled and stepped, unhurried and intimate, pace matching so well despite everything. In the back of his mind, he thought that they could have had this.

“This could have been our wedding dance,” Takashi said as if he’d read Adam’s mind. His voice wistful and his eyes closed, like he was imagining low lighting, their bodies clad in tux and there was an actual band. And if they spin just right, they will see Keith sitting beside Matt, pretending to sulk at having to socialize, but was actually so happy for them. 

But Adam can’t see it, not anymore, not with Jenny’s scream ringing in his ears and AJ’s face haunting his dreams. The Takashi back then, if he had stayed, would have seen starlight and galaxies twinkling, a vast of black and freedom, and not the unassuming life that would have been waiting for him.

They could have had a wedding. But holding Takashi like this, Adam decided that they don’t need one to have a family anyway. And now his family has returned, Adam won’t make the mistake of letting them go again. Not Keith. Especially not Takashi. If Takashi would like his ring back, then Adam will dig in the back of the locked drawer to give it to him. 

When the song ended, Adam kissed Takashi, long and deep, like they were on the altar in front of the garrison chaplain and Takashi had just said ‘I do’. He kissed Takashi’s neck open-mouthed, wet and hot, like they were teenagers again, hiding in supply closets and making out all the chances they got. Takashi’s hand slipped underneath his shirt, feeling scars and skin, and all the sensitive spots that Adam didn’t even remember. It made Adam feel tingly and restless.

The way Takashi bit his lips, he felt the same.

Hooking his hands underneath Takashi’s thighs Adam hoisted him up with a swift movement, making Takashi gasped, latching onto Adam’s neck. Adam watched his face busted into surprise and was pleasantly warm from seeing Takashi flushed darkly, a stark contrast with his pale hair. 

“Come back to bed with me, and let me hold you before the world takes you away again,” Adam said. 

Takashi nodded mutely, pressing his lips back onto Adam, this time fervently and full of needs hidden deep for the past years. 

When Adam dropped him on the bed, he dragged Adam down on top. Their breakfast was forgotten and the song changed again as Adam let Takashi peeled his shirt off.

\--

(+16.

Takashi kissed Adam with teeth and tongue, sucking and biting between warm, heavy breaths, and he refused to lose their connection. He had tossed Adam’s glasses somewhere on the floor to push their mouths closer, and closer, fingers clutching onto Adam’s short brown hair.

It was moments like these that he could feel the frustration of not having his right arm overtaken the gratitude of being alive—he wanted to touch more, to pull Adam against him more, to make Adam feel more, but all Takashi could do was hold onto him. 

Adam must have picked up on it because he rolled them over, slinging both of his arms over Takashi’s neck before pulling away briefly, just to say between his huffing for air “I’m not going anywhere, staying right here with you.” Then he resumed their kiss, eagerly pushing up his hip, rubbing their swelling groins together. 

Allowing the last of his insecurity slip away with Adam’s words, Takashi groaned, hand gripped bruises onto Adam’s hip to push harder against it. It has been so long; he could just come like this. Adam, too, judging by the little gasps Takashi felt against his lips.

Letting his instinct take over, Takashi yanked Adam’s sweats down along with his underwear in one swoop and latched onto Adam’s cock. Instantly, Adam arched, a loud “Ah!” escaped him and he dug his nails into Takashi’s flesh. Takashi didn’t let him come though, clasping his fingers around the base tightly. 

Coming down from his almost orgasm, Adam broke into laughter so sweet it brought butterflies to Takashi’s stomach. He’d never thought he could hear it again. 

“Feel like a fucking virgin all over again,” Adam said, his smile resembled the boy that Takashi pinned to his bed years ago—so light and carefree that Takashi almost forgot that this was their first time since everything fell apart. 

Takashi gave a shaky grin back, and before Adam could pick up on his mood, he began pumping his hand slowly, kissing from Adam’s jaw down to his throat. “Baby, you’ve always been quick,” he teased, letting old habits slip out easily. He was here now. And Adam didn’t leave him. Adam loved him with each touch, each kiss. Adam wanted him. 

“Oh, you did not just say that.” Adam lifted an eyebrow, pushing himself onto his elbows, abs scrunched up, and Takashi drank in the sight of bronze skin and white scars, and felt his heart torn between tenderness and dark hunger.

“Oh yes, I did,” Takashi said with a lick of his lips. He wanted to worship every bit of scars, cover every part with kisses and at the same time, to lick and bite glistening skin and feel taut muscles twitch with each movement, each breath. He wanted to take Adam apart, an urge so primal and needy, something he thought he was no longer capable of since the Galra.

Adam narrowed his eyes, trying to decipher Takashi’s expression, then fell back onto the bed, pillowing his head on both of his hands, biceps flexing. _Hot,_ Takashi’s mind supplied unhelpfully. 

“Try me,” Adam smirked, and Takashi decidedly was going to do both and dove back in again. 

He let Adam’s cock go and moved back to kiss Adam’s scars softly from his eye that can no longer see down to his shoulder covered with ragged skin. His fingers caressed Adam’s cheeks. Then he sucked onto a nipple, rolling it between his teeth and felt Adam inhaled sharply. Takashi toyed with both of them before trailing his tongue from Adam’s pectoral to his chiseled abs, peppering kisses on the scarring on his side, hand skimping the hair above his cock. He must have taken too long because Adam was getting impatient.

“Is that all you got, Takashi—ah!” Adam’s taunt was cut short as Takashi got low enough to bite onto his thigh. Before he could recover, Takashi took Adam’s cock into his mouth as far as he could and wrapped his fingers around the rest of it.

Joking aside, Adam was big and pulsing hotly on Takashi’s tongue, and in reality, he was never quick, he just made obscene noises like he was coming every single damn time Takashi’s teeth scraped against a vein carelessly. It drove Takashi’s nut, he was hard and leaking under his pants. But he didn’t want to stop touching Adam just to touch himself.

“Oh god, Takashi—Takashi, just like that!” 

Takashi sucked him relentlessly even as he felt his own jaw beginning to ache. Just when Adam was getting used to the pace, Takashi lifted one of his thighs up to his shoulder and pushed a finger inside Adam. Dry and raw. Only the tip has managed to go in, but it was just enough pain to tip Adam over the edge. Kinky bastard.

He felt Adam’s heel digging into his back before the movement echoed all the way up and Adam threw his head back, neck and chest curving up, fingers digging into the sheet, and a guttural scream filled up their room then died into loud, heaving pants. 

Embarrassingly, he came without a single touch. 

Then there was no more room for any thoughts as Adam dragged him back for wet, sloppy kisses. His hands pushing Takashi pants down to latch onto his ass and pushing their bodies flushed against each other.

“Lube,” Adam gasped into Takashi’s mouth, hand thumping on his back.

Without breaking the kiss, Takashi reached under the pillow on the right side for the bottle like he’d always done in the past, and some part of his mind jumped in joy that he found it. Adam hasn't changed a thing.

Adam took the bottle and rolled them around again to perch on top of Takashi with cock already half hard, hands in the middle of squeezing out a generous amount of cold lube onto Takashi’s cock.

“I’m clean!” Takashi said. “The healing pod made sure—well, anyway, I haven’t done anything with anyone since I left, I promise.” his cheeks burnt bright with the thought of ruining the mood with his annoying worries.

Adam blinked owlishly before chuckled. “You’re lucky you’re cute.” Adam kissed him deep, pleased. “I don’t have unprotected sex with just anyone.” Then his hands grabbed both of their cocks and jerked rhythmically. 

“Was there—was there anyone else?” Takashi’s breaths were short, spastic, and he must have seemed desperate. 

Adam’s teasing smile morphed into a sad one that made Takashi felt guilty for even asking. “Never, only you,” Adam said as Takashi pulled him into a kiss, hurried to get rid of that expression.

They exchanged tiny moans into each other’s mouths more so than kisses before Adam broke away, nose burrowing into Takashi’s neck as he focused his fingers on stretching himself. Takashi stroked the hair at his nape encouragingly.

“How do you want it?”

“I want you to ride you,” Adam said with a bite. “Then—I want to fuck you so hard you can’t sit without people knowing.” He lifted his head to stare Takashi down with an almost predatory grin.

Takashi made a noise in the back of his throat and committed to memory the way Adam sheathed himself with barely a grimace even when he was so tight it nearly hurt. He involuntarily let out a loud groan, fingers twitching by Adam’s hip, toes clenching.

He forced his eyes wide to see the bounce of Adam’s cock as he drove himself onto Takashi. His ears filled with sinful sounds Adam made when he grinded his hip, burying Takashi’s deep inside him. Adam was on him, touching him, moaning his name, Takashi was drowning in Adam when he came.

Then before he could catch back his breaths, Adam opened him up, licked into the darkest part of him, and fucked him into oblivion at a brutal angle.

He committed to memory the squelching noises of their bodies, the beating thumps of the bed, and the fast heaving above him because white spots was blooming in his eyes and he could barely see, and his chest burned, but Adam didn’t stop once, not until Takashi scratched lines on his back and clenched down so hard that they both came seeing stars.)

\--

17.

Adam’s heart stopped twice since Takashi came back to earth. 

The first time was when a supposedly safe operation for prosthetic attachment had Takashi seizing on the table. And everyone panicked because no one knew what was going on, including the scientists who were supposed to know what was going on!

His heart was up to his throat and adrenaline pumped through him like he was being shot at by the Galra. Adam was one step behind Princess Allura, and it took all of his willpower to stand back and watch. Every passing second had him falling back to the familiar dread and hurt and fear, because this was it, he finally got Takashi back just to lose him like this. 

When Takashi was stable with a new working arm, Adam had excused himself. 

The second time, they took AJ off life support. To transfer him to an Altean-based design healing pod. But the flat line on the screen suddenly felt like a finality to their fight over the last four years. There was no such indication on the pod that AJ’s heart was beating, that he was still alive, just not awake. AJ only floated weightlessly, eyes still closed like he was dead, and Adam had no way of knowing and that scared him. 

The new room had no benches for Adam to stay overnight, so he sat on the cold floor in his wrinkled uniform. He couldn’t smoke, he couldn’t do anything except stare at the unchanging sight of failure and regrets.

Takashi came with a blanket big enough for both of them and pulled Adam against his side. 

“You got to find a new hobby better than hanging out with me and my dead subordinate,” Adam muttered. 

“He isn’t dead. He’ll pull through.” Takashi kissed his temple, hand rubs circle onto Adam’s shoulder. 

“Tell me about space?” _Please distract me,_ Adam meant.

“Sure, did Keith ever tell you he was half-alien…” Takashi’s voice was quiet, and rough but so fond as he recounted memories of the Paladin’s adventures. If Adam closes his eyes, he can almost imagine himself being there with all of them, right beside Takashi like he was now.

Takashi was warm and he coaxed Adam’s heart into beating for him. 

\--

18.

People were tiptoeing around him, and all eyes not so subtly followed him and Takashi whenever they were both in the same vicinity. As if they were waiting for Adam to explode again, not unlike what happened at the docking bay. Takashi, after all, still sported an ugly bruise on his face as he gave out orders and looked dashingly handsome being in charge. 

Adam carried on his duties per usual, saluted and talked business, face lost all emotions he had displayed so openly before. With Takashi, it was “Yes sir, no sir, understood, sir.” Takashi in turn, responded as if he was speaking to any other officer, which prompted a lot of confusion, most notably from Veronica, Iverson (oh god), and surprisingly the pilot children. 

A bunch of gossipers even in the midst of war. Adam thought he and Takashi was being quite friendly with each other.

Veronica gave him long looks across the meeting table and hissed “Why do you guys look even worse than when you punched him in front of the entire garrison?” when she collected his document. Adam hid a smile and just shrugged. This was pretty good, he thought. He supposed Veronica wasn’t as close when Takashi was around.

Iverson clapped a hand on his shoulder when he reported in for a fly test with a “Things will be better soon, just cut him some slack, and let me know if you need anything,” while avoiding eye contact. Adam hummed a thanks without much commitment because he got to give it to Iverson, the man had changed so much over the years.

Then Ryan gave him side glances during their range session. 

“So Captain Shirogane is your boyfriend—” he started while Adam was loading in laser bullets and pressing buttons onto the training control panel.

“He’s not my boyfriend, Kinkade,” Adam said, and pulled on his muffs and fired all rounds into a projected mannequin's head. Takashi was definitely more than a boyfriend. He was an almost husband. 

Adam’s hand shook from the recoil as he reloaded, but Ryan’s gaze was still unsatisfied as if he wanted to argue more. “But I’m here if you need to talk about your dying crush on Griffin.” And that shut Ryan up. Although he wasn’t much of a talker in the beginning anyway, so Adam didn’t quite chalk that up as a win.

Lance, who he knew so much about from Veronica’s stories but has never once talked to outside of class, approached shyly with a hand rubbing on his neck when Adam was brushing out Cosmo’s outer coat on the living room floor. “Hi, you don’t really know me, but I was in your class, I’m Lance, Veronica’s brother.”

“Yeah, I know. What’s up, Lance?”

“Um-um I heard from Veronica that—” Adam must have used his instructor’s voice because the boy straightened his back and stammered with his eyes shifted awkwardly to the side. He looked like kid who got into trouble and was called into the office. 

“Lance, you hungry?” Keith called out from the kitchen. The boy must have invited his friend back to the apartment, well, Adam’s apartment, where Keith and Takashi slotted back into their places as if they hadn’t been gone for the past decade. 

“—that Shiro and you were having trouble,” Lance finished, giving stink eyes to the direction of the kitchen. “I’m sorry for butting my nose in, but I swear Shiro is a really good guy, he took care of us when we didn’t know what was going on, and he’s so cool.

“Sure he’s like super strict sometimes, his clone yelled at me once, but really, he cares a lot, he made me feel safe when we were up there, so he’s like my space dad, you know. I’d hate for you both to be unhappy when Voltron finally came back. Like we got reunite with our families, it’ll be so sad if Shiro couldn’t do the same with his, you know.”

What a mirror image to Veronica, who had unabashedly reached out to Adam when he was at his lowest, because she saw that something was wrong and then cared selflessly. 

Adam smiled. “I know, Lance. Thanks for your concern, we’re doing okay,” Adam answered honestly. With a quiet voice, he added. “However, if you want to talk to someone about any hypothetical sexuality crisis, I’m your man.” 

And Lance’s mouth dropped wide as he surreptitiously glanced toward the kitchen. “How did you know?!” he whispered, horrified. “I mean, how did you know about my friend—” 

Well, Adam had inside source. Veronica. But Lance didn’t need to know that.

“Lance, are you deaf, do you want a sandwich?!” Keith bellowed out again.

“No, mullet, I don’t want a sandwich! I’m in the middle of an important conversation!”

Back then, Takashi’s office hours had kids like this, coming in to ask all sorts of questions unrelated to class work. But Takashi took them all in stride and even helped out kids not from his class. How did Adam get this role now, he didn’t understand. First Riza, then Ryan, now Veronica’s kid brother.

Then Lance plopped onto the ground next to Cosmo, raising the attention of the wolf before it settled back down, content with the fingers Lance was combing through its dark fur. 

“Hypothetically,” Lance said, voice low, eyes downcast. “Just hypothetically, my friend, who has a crush on this girl for the longest time, and she’s beautiful and amazing, and just wonderful, but suddenly I’m—I mean my friend’s also attracted to his uhh—” Lance seemed to ponder for a moment, “—rival? Frenemy? Best friend? Yeah, best friend, because he’s so courageous and caring, not so annoying anymore, and he’s also pretty and I—my friend has no idea what to do.” 

Adam wondered if he was allowed to tell Veronica these details. After all, he was another gossiper during war time. Compared to paperwork, the prospect of their brothers being a potential match up was much more entertaining.

“Hey babe.” Takashi appeared out of nowhere, pressing a kiss on top of Adam’s head then mussing up his hair as he unbuttoned his jacket. “Hey Lance.”

Lance’s eyes widened comically. 

“What? I promise I didn’t overhear anything.” Takashi smiled and gave Lance’s shoulder a pat before wandered off again. Adam groaned inwardly because Takashi was not one bit subtle. 

“Here you go.” Keith took his turn, handing Lance a plate with a sandwich. “You’re just going to complain and steal mine, so just eat the damn thing.”

Cosmo thumped his tail to show his excitement at seeing his owner, but the Blue Paladin was still frozen, still processing or daydreaming about something.

When Keith finally disappeared from sight, Adam said. “You know, polyamory is a thing. Just got to make sure everyone agrees to it.” And Lance combusted for multiple reasons. 

Well, Adam was no Takashi, and Rizavi and Ryan were still single and pining, so maybe he wasn’t the best person for this. And god, freaking space wolf shed a lot. 

\--

19.

“You know I think about it a lot when I was up there. What it could have been if I had stayed, watching Keith grow up without fighting intergalactic battle, getting a dog like Bebe and coming back from work to your cooked dinner—” Takashi said after an eternity where they laid side by side, sweat soaked and catching their breaths, finally sated after how many round, Adam had lost count.

Adam leaned over the bedside to pour a glass of bourbon and lit a cigarette. He passed Takashi the drink and put pillows at the headboard behind their backs. Then he settled beside Takashi only to feel metal arm against his shoulder, but he stayed anyway, still basking in the soreness of his body.

“I was angry at first, couldn’t understand why you would stop me, knowing how important Kerberos was to me.” Takashi took a sip then scrunched his nose like he thought the drink was disgusting. But he didn’t swap with Adam, and downed the rest of it like he used to do with tequila.

“Then when the Galra came, I thought I was going to die and suddenly I got it. Not being able to come back, not being able to see you, I was scared, Adam. Leaving you the way I did, I had so many regrets.”

Adam breathed in tar and poison instead of answering. Because what can he say? I told you so? It’s okay, you were right to leave? It’s fine, I was fine without you? 

“We were in space, in an alien castle for god’s sake, but I could still see you in every little thing and it hurt. I couldn't tell anyone. We've always had bigger problems than mine. I had to be strong—I had to fight, but all I ever wanted to do was to come home to you,” Takeshi said, voice distant like he was standing in the Castle of Lions, in the lonely fly deck and staring out into never ending darkness. 

“I regret telling you I won’t wait for you,” Adam said, pouring some more drink, and then shrugged and took a sip straight from the bottle. Like they used to do in simpler, happier time. 

Takashi hummed, “I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“I’m sorry for not believing in you,” Adam said. “But we both made our decisions, and we live through the consequences.” 

“Thanks for waiting for me.” Takashi lifted up his arm, the connection buzzed like the sound of aircraft on the dock, and pulled Adam to his chest.

“Thanks for coming back to me.”

“Thanks for being alive.”

Takashi did want his ring back, and they kissed in the living room with Keith and Cosmo as witnesses. 

-

20.

After Takashi was diagnosed, some night he didn’t sleep in their bed. The first time Adam woke up in the middle of the night without Takashi, he freaked just a little bit. When Takashi hadn’t return for a long time, Adam had rushed out to see if the key to the bike was still there. Or did their fight earlier finally made Takashi snapped under the pressure and left! But it hung on the rack.

He sent messages, of course, and they were read without a reply. Adam remembered lying in bed, reading over and over, “Hey, where are you?” “Are you okay?” “Why didn’t you wake me?” “When will you be back?” “Takashi, answer me,” until he heard the pad lock beeping, and had pretended to go back to sleep.

Adam remembered his heart squeezing tight inside his chest when the bed dipped without a single word from Takashi. He stayed awake until morning listening to the soft exhale from Takashi and tried to recall what he had said for Takashi to be this angry.

But the Takashi in the morning still kissed him sweetly before leaving for work and responded to his messages like normal. Adam was too proud of a man to bring it up. They were grown adults, if Takashi needed time away, Adam wouldn’t pester him over a little bit of irrational hurt feeling. It just, during the day they were apart, and the late night started to feel not much different. But it was fine, as long as Takashi came back unhurt. It was fine.

Adam couldn’t remember clearly what had happened after. Not with the amount of fights they had because everything just bled into one big lump of pre-Kerberos mess, and Adam didn’t like to think about it. 

The Takashi now shook him awake with an apologetic scrunch of his brows at two in the morning. 

“Sorry for waking you up, I got a nightmare,” he whispered, his throat dried. “Want to get some air with me?” 

Takashi took him to the roof where they used to watch the stars and lied on his back.

“Want to talk about it?” Adam asked.

“No, not really,” Takashi said and drew Adam in for a kiss, which turned into two, three, and more as he held Adam on top of him, hands sliding under Adam’s garrison hoodie. 

Adam was lost in Takashi’s kisses, feeling the warm and sturdy of his body, instead of cold, rough steps in the memorial hall. Not long ago, this was only a dream. He wondered if Takashi’s name was still there, on the wall like Adam’s was supposed to be next to his unit’s. But Takashi did wonderful thing with his tongue, and flipped them so that his weight anchored on top of Adam, he knew they were outside, but Adam wanted Takashi to touch him all over—

“Ugh, someone already here—” a woman’s voice broke their kiss and they blinked owlishly at the approaching shadows.

“Shh! We should just go, instead of disturbing them, come on Veronica!” another voice whispered harshly, this time a man’s voice.

“Veronica?” Adam called out, pushing Takashi off and sat up. He hoped his sweatpants didn’t make anything below too visible. Takashi, beside him, shifted his pants and pulled a leg up. He’d make fun of Takashi if Veronica didn’t show up, holding the arm of a dark skin man. The man looked apologetic for the both of them. 

“Oh my god, Adam? And Captain Shirogane?!” Veronica gasped. 

“I’m so sorry—we didn’t think anyone would be up here around this time,” the man said, his arm was still clutched tight within Veronica’s hold. 

His face was familiar enough if you hang out around Veronica’s unit. Quite talented, soft spoken, but decisive and confident. He was the handler for most of the rescue missions, and was as valuable as Veronica to the top brass with his insights, if Adam remembered correctly from meetings, his name was Curtis.

“We also didn’t think that.” Takashi laughed, flustered, rubbing his neck. “Sorry you had to see that.”

“Oh no Captain, you just won me a lot of money!” Veronica laughed, then stared Adam down like she wanted to ask ‘I’m your best friend, and you didn’t think to tell me?’ 

“Just Shiro is fine, we’re not working after all.” Takashi gestured to the ground. “Please join us if you’d like, I’d hate for you two to come here just to leave because of us, the breeze is really nice tonight.”

Curtis was a bit hesitant, but Veronica dragged him down and placed herself next to Adam. If Adam had to guess, they were coming out here for similar reason as Takashi and him. He gave Veronica a knowing look as she slapped his arm. 

“I was worry for you two! And here you were, munching his face in public, defacing the garrison’s roof, you might have scarred a couple of younger cadets if I didn’t come,” she scolded, but her voice was light and fond. Adam realized he missed spending time with her with everything that was going on. 

Curtis and Takashi struck up a conversation about recovery effort as if they were still in a meeting. So he let them be, and laced his arm with hers. 

“Like you weren’t going to do the same thing,” Adam said quietly. “When did that happen by the way?”

“Guilty as charged. But it’s not exactly what you’re thinking.” She laughed. “He’s fun and we’re quite compatible in bed, but it’s nothing serious, and Curtis is real sweet on this boy in R&D, Ricky—he joined us a couple of times and I can definitely see the appeal. Now, if I can get Acxa to agree.” 

“Oh.” Adam blushed. “So it’s like that,” maybe Lance should have talked to his sister instead of Adam. “Also what did you bet on?”

“That you guys will reconcile under the moonlight and it’ll be super romantic.” 

Adam looked at the moonless sky and endless dark valley and raised an eyebrow. 

“Well, it still counts because I’m betting against Iverson, who thought Shiro will get down on one knee with a ring to beg you to come back to him,” she said. It was more of him putting the ring on Takashi’s finger, thinking the man was asleep, and got caught and was forced to exchange ring like normal people. 

“Honestly though, I almost thought you left him for good.” Veronica’s tone dimmed as it took on a more serious note. “I thought it might be deserving after what he put you through.”

They both glanced at Takashi, laughing at something Curtis said, relaxed and showing no sign of listening to them. 

“I saw what loving him did to you, and I don’t think I ever want to go through that for anyone.” 

“Things were really hard on him, too,” Adam muttered as Veronica leaned onto his shoulder. “He’s just better at hiding them.”

“Was it worth it?” she asked. “Are you happy now, Adam?”

“Yeah. Thanks for being by my side all this time,” Adam answered without a pause, then he leaned his head on top of hers with a smile, thinking of all the time she held him on night like this. “I don’t know if I could have made it without you.” But now they weren’t by themselves anymore. 

Veronica wiped her eyes just as Curtis and Takashi turned their attention to them. 

“What are you guys mumbling over there?” Curtis said, looking slightly awkward as Veronica’s furiously rubbing her sleeves over her eyes. He must have realized she was crying. 

“We were just comparing you two’s prowess in bed.” Veronica sniffed away the last bit of her emotions and returned with a teasing grin. 

“Veronica!” Both Adam and Curtis squeaked in embarrassment. 

Takashi only laughed, cheeks burnt red, but his shoulders were free of nightmare and whatever had bothered him earlier. Adam felt his heart lighten just a little bit more.

\--

  
  


21.

AJ was discharged two days ago, like a miracle, healthy with no complications aside from the muscle atrophy from the time he was in the coma. With special diet and physical therapy, they expected him to make full recovery in time. Adam had been the one he called out when the doctors lowered him down. And he was the first one AJ had awoken to see, a familiar face full of tears and relief. His parents were called in soon after, and this time they didn’t resent Adam, they were thankful. 

Now Veronica greeted them at Colleen’s door with an apron on top of her undershirt, uniform top discarded somewhere. “Come in, come in, welcome AJ,” she said like it was her own house and hurried back to the kitchen to help.

For the first time, dinner at Colleen’s wasn’t just the three of them and Sam. Colleen, no matter how much she had insisted, could not prepare food for more than a dozen people, thus all the able cooks were bustling in the kitchen, surprisingly well-coordinated with each other. 

Everyone must have been there because the spacious house of the Holt was filled with people everywhere. Keith gave a quick wave to him before launching back into a debate with James and Ryan over what looked like a map. Adam thought Ryan was staring at James more so than the map and filed it in the back of his mind to tease him later.

The trio, Lance, Hunk, and Pidge, was sitting on the floor, too close to the TV as they focused intensely in battling alien spaceships on the screen. The Princess and Coran were talking with Romelle and Acxa. Must have been about politics because the Princess was fuming and Coran was playing mediator. The rest of the MFE pilots could be seen in the yard, playing fetch with Bebe and Cosmo. There were some family friends of the Holt who Adam recognized, but didn’t quite know. 

“I missed them,” AJ said, staring at the people and remembering all the ones who didn’t wake up with him. “But I’m glad we survived.” 

Adam couldn’t response as Sam walked up with a big smile. 

Sam greeted Adam with a warm clap to his back. “Glad you guys could make it! Adam let the boy mingle and come sit with us,” he said, gesturing to a small group, compiling of dads, and a couple of garrison instructors situated at the dining table. The adult table. But Curtis was waving back shyly as well, next to him, a blonde dressed in the R&D overall who Adam assumed to be Ricky. Well, Adam probably wouldn’t be too out of place over there.

“Cool, I’m going to check out that video game they’re playing, you go and be old, Boss.” AJ tilted his head to smile up at Adam. He pushed at the wheels and maneuvered to the Voltron paladins, suddenly looking much younger than twenty-two as he eagerly asked to play against the final boss. 

Adam let Sam ushered him into a seat, let Veronica pushed her favorite aloe juice into his hands, and let himself be lulled into a conversation with Iverson and Curtis about education during wartime. Takashi arrived sometimes later, apologizing to Sam for coming late. He squeezed into the seat next to Adam and draped an arm over the backrest of Adam’s chair. 

“Hey,” Takashi said to him with a smile and fit himself seamlessly into the group with his input on remote pilot training.

Adam leaned into him slightly, subtle but not unnoticeable by Sam, who gave him a wink. 

For the first time since he met Colleen under the bright sun and loud trumpets, Adam felt like he could stand on his own without crumbling to pieces. The cracks were mending with the shuffling noise of bodies in the kitchen, the dings of the oven, the barking of the dogs, and the laughter of long lost children and their families. And Takashi. 

\--

+22

Adam closed the final latch of the back plate to Takashi’s armor, which was garrison issued white that matched his hair and made him look like an angel, sent down from above to avenge humanity with giant robots at his command. Takashi will pilot the ATLAS in today’s battle with a crew that won’t include Adam. 

“I wish you would stay with me,” Takashi said, turning to face Adam, who was clad in his full pilot suit. Takashi knew the answer won’t change either way.

“I’m more useful to you out there,” Adam replied as Takashi brushed at the scarring by his eyes. 

“I know.” Then he kissed Adam, a chaste press of the lips, quick, because this won’t be their last kiss. And they have a war to win.

Takashi returned to war and this time Adam was beside him.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m pretty sure this isn’t correct in canon, but the timeline is basically: Kerberos was lost when Adam was 24, 25 when Shiro came back the first time, Adam got promoted when he was 27, fought the Galra when he was 30, and four years later, Voltron returned to earth, making him 34. He waited 10 years for Shiro hahahaha I didn’t even consider anyone else’s age but too late now! 
> 
> I referenced the US Navy’s rank system for the garrison, so Adam and Shiro was Lieutenant pre-Kerberos, then Adam was promoted to Lieutenant Commander. Shiro became Captain upon his return. 
> 
> Not sure if yall are interested or not, but this was Adam’s squad: Titan Dante, Wild Cat Troye, Ares AJ, Cobra Jenny, Spartan Seu-gi, Archer Brian, Lancer Mia, Redstar Dee, Phoenix Lesaunda.
> 
> Please don't kill me over the Veronica and Curtis thing. I'm real into Veronica and Acxa, but can you imagine her introducing her lovers to her family? 'This is my boyfriend Curtis, and this is Curtis's boyfriend Ricky. That's my wife Acxa.' It just cracks me up.
> 
> Anyway I love Adam so much that I was very sad when he didn’t make it. And I wanted to write a reunion scene where Adam punched Shiro, and it spiraled out of my control. I didn't know what I was doing half of the time. Thanks so much for reading, I hope you like.


End file.
